The Second Most Awkward Discussion About Writing I've Ever Had (and a lesson about setting the scene)

The registration for SCBWI Carolinas opened this week, and it reminded me that I forgot to tell you guys about the second-most awkward conversation I've ever had about writing.

After we've been in the slush pile for a while, we're all doomed to have these conversations, right? You know, the ones where people who have had an "idea" for a book (usually a memoir or a children's book of some sort) for YEARS will talk about how that makes them a writer, too.

And the whole time we're internally screaming our heads off and trying to keep our patience during these convos. Because--if you're at all like me--when we say, "I write" what I really mean is...

OR....

OR...

But this actually WASN'T that sort of grating conversation. Here's what happened:

"Sue": Oh you write? Me, too! I've been working on a children's book.

Me: Yeah, I write for kids, too. Well, teenagers.

"Sue": Mine's a picture book. But I don't draw. It's okay if I don't draw, right?

Me: Yeah, they've got, you know, illustrators for that.

"Sue": I sent a copy of it to this person who lives here in town. They're like book people or something...I forget what they're called...

Me: Literary Agents?

"Sue": Yeah, I think so. I can't remember who...

Me: Adam's Literary. (We live in Charlotte. It's not a big list.)

"Sue": Yes! Oh my God! How do you know all this?

Me: *sigh* I have an agent. I've written some words. *insert brief and painful discussion of submission process here*

"Sue": I heard about some sort of conference for kids' writers here but I didn't go.

Me: SCBWI Carolinas? I go every year. It's awesome.

"Sue": OH MY GOD! WE TOTALLY NEED TO GO TOGETHER THIS YEAR! Let's do it. It'll be so much fun!

And the conversation about the conference went on for a little bit.

On the surface, it seems pretty normal...not a bad or awkward conversation to have with another kidlit writer, right?

WRONG.

See, kids this is why setting the scene is really important. Because there are two important details, you won't get by reading this dialogue. And it's these details, when combined, that make this the second most awkward discussion about writing I've ever had.

1. It was on my 35th birthday and the day I got sort of a big ego blow of a rejection from a publisher (aka the day I really, REALLY didn't want to talk about writing.)

2. It was with my gynecologist. During my annual exam.

Yeah. You're picturing that right.

But a good writing lesson for all--it's important to give your dialogue some context. Otherwise, everyone will just imagine that your main character is having the conversation with your gyno complete with stirrups...instruments...boob squeezing by a near stranger (Well, she was my OB, so not a complete stranger.)

Fun times at the crotch doctor, eh?

As for THE most awkward conversation about writing I've ever had? Yeah, you'll never get me to admit that here. Let's just say it involved a Donnie Wahlberg Meet&Greet...and pornography.

We'll leave it at that.

(And that's what we call an end-of-chapter hook.)

See that? Two writing lessons, totally at my expense. What was your most awkward writing conversation?

Enjoy what's left of your Tuesday, kids!

All the Feels Repost: Getting R-E-S-P-E-C-T for Your Writing Life

Looking for my #PitchWars mentor bio? You can find it here. 

Because NaNoWriMo has taken over my life, I'll be reposting some of my All the Feels posts from YA Stands here on my blog all month. I hope you enjoy them if you missed them the first time!

The responses people give when we tell them we write run the gamut from being impressed to thinking it's something any monkey with a typewriter can accomplish. Some of my favorites are...

 

"So people, like, pay you for that? I could write novels if someone paid me to do it."

"What, like that 50 Shades of Grey thing?"

"I'm writing a novel, too! I've been working on it for nineteen years and it's five hundred thousand words long. Can you read it for me and tell me how much money I can make on it?"

"I wrote a story about my dog dying when I was in the third grade. My mom thought it was the best thing she ever read."

"Woah! Do you know J.K. Rowling?"

...

Yes. She comes over for tea every Sunday and we paint our nails together.

Hopefully, though, the people we live with and love have a better idea of what being a writer actually means.

Well, that's what we hope...

But it doesn't always work out that way. Why? Because it's true: anybody can be a writer. That doesn't mean they take it seriously. Or treat their writing as a profession. 

If you're reading this, you're probably someone who does aspire to write professionally, if you're not doing so already. So you know what it means to be a writer. But unless they're also involved in some sort of creative trade, a lot of the time our family and friends have no clue what that means. And because we live and breathe in entire worlds that exist only in our minds, it's sometimes hard to explain not only what we do and how we do it, but how it impacts us as people. There's a lot of truth in them there memes.

So how do we make our VIPeeps understand what the heck this is we do when we space out in front of our computers for hours at a time? We use the biggest writing lesson of all.

Show. Don't. Tell.

Here are ten ways we can show our friends and families what it means to be a writer.

1. Be serious about your writing time. In my last All the Feels post we talked about writerly time management. One of the things I mentioned was that it's important to make good use of your writer time. If your husband thinks you're writing but when he looks over your shoulder he sees you're chatting it up on twitter, he's going to think "writing" is code for dicking around with social media. If every time your girlfriend suggests you have dinner with her parents, you suddenly have a writing deadline to meet, then writing becomes code for "avoiding things my girlfriend wants me to do with her." Show your peeps you're serious about your writing time by taking it seriously.

2. Perfect your elevator pitch. Not only is this something you should be doing anyway, but it's natural for people to be curious as to what you're writing when you tell them you're a writer. Giving them a serious answer to the infamous "what do you write about?" question shows them it's something you take seriously and professionally.

3. Engage them in your creative process. My husband is an extremely reluctant beta reader. And by extremely reluctant I mean that if I ask him to read something I've written, his response is something like

My books are not the kind of thing he would ever pick up in the bookstore. So asking him to read my writing and tell me what he thinks is more likely going to send him running for the hills than actually help me in any way.

But writing is a job just like any other. There things about it that stress me out, relationships I build with CPs, agents, editors, etc, deadlines to meet, things I want to achieve, and things I accomplish. So when we debrief at the end of a workday, I make sure to debrief him on my work as well as listen to his. And I find ways I can relate to the things he shares. Especially if the significant people in your life work a VERY different job from writing, they may not know how to support you because they have no clue what "work" means to you.

4. Consider your family a source of inspiration. If there's somebody at hubby's job who's a couple fries short of a happy meal, who knows? They may make an awesome character for a future story. My dad did two tours in Italy in the U.S. Navy, and I've never been to Italy, so if I want to set a chapter there, he'd be a good person to consult. And kids? Kids are the most amazing resource a writer can have. Their creativity knows no boundaries, is not weighed down by reality the way an adult's is, and is almost always outside the box.

5. Keep a calendar/poster/dry erase board/massive collection of sticky notes related to your writing goals where your family can see them. This is visible proof that what you're doing isn't some nebulous fluffy puff nonsense but actual work. Not only that, but it gives you a sense of accountability. If you're counting down to a writing deadline that isn't just something you set for yourself but something you have to answer to, you're more likely to achieve it. And when you meet those goals, let your family and friends share in your victory.

6. Remember that jobs have working hours and nonworking hours and writers do, too. Setting boundaries for writing time is important not only for your family members but for you, too. You can't have relationships with real people if you're constantly focused on fictional people. So set yourself limits for the amount of time you spend on your writing. If you're the kind of person who writes when the mood strikes rather than on a set schedule, clue your family and friends into what that means, but make sure that time has a beginning and an end.

7. Be consistent about your boundaries and expectations. If you want your writing time to go uninterrupted, don't let yourself be interrupted. You can't tell your family not to bother you when you're writing, then answer any text message that pings your phone during that time. Let them know up front what boundaries you'd like (an hour of quiet where Dad plays outside with the kids, Sunday afternoons after family breakfast where everyone else does chores, that time when your main squeeze wants time with his buddies and you've got less than no interest in watching baseball with them.) If you have a hard time sticking to boundaries at home, take your writing someplace else. I have a semi-weekly standing date with my favorite Starbucks barista. I'm pretty sure she knows more about Skylar, my main character in IMPERFECTLY FINE, than my husband does. And that's okay.

8. Nip sources of writerly stress in the bud before it becomes a real conflict. If your family or friends aren't taking your writing seriously, let them know that you are. And if you feel like your writing isn't being respected, say something about it. Otherwise, you can't be pissed off when your husband blasts Melt Banana at full volume when you're trying to write. If they act clueless it's most likely because they are. And being irritated that your writing boundaries aren't being respected is not going to help your writing.

9. Don't forget that whole positive reinforcement thing. If your family respects your writing time and space, make sure they know you appreciate that. Thank the kids for playing quietly while you write for half an hour. Bring a frappaccino home to hubby as thanks for letting you get out of the house and work your writer brain for a couple hours. Take Fido on that long, exhausting walk he's been resisting the urge to beg for while you sit at your computer ignoring him. Turn off your machine and let Kitty keep it warm for a while.

10. Above all else, remember the golden rule. Because so much of our job happens in our heads, we get stuck there sometimes. We forget that our family and friends have their own work ish they may need support to deal with. And we forget that they need the most important thing of all.

Us.

Respect comes from respect, love from love, time from patience. Be sure you're giving your loved ones what they need, too.

What do you do to help the people in your life empathize with your writing needs? 

All the Feels Repost: Should You Bail on Your Book?

Looking for my #PitchWars mentor post? You can find it here:

Since November is NaNoWriMo and when I'm not working, Mom-ing, Wife-ing, or Sleeping, I'll be attempting to write 80,000 words in one month, I thought I'd share some of my All the Feels posts from YA Stands here on my blog for those who missed them the first time. I hope you find them helpful!

While I play the waiting game on my WIP, I've been floundering a little on what to do with my writing time. Most of the floundering is because I'm feeling the pull to dig an oldie out of my proverbial dead manuscript trunk.

It's not the first book I ever wrote. It's not even the first one I ever queried. But is the first one I ever felt to my core, the first time I ever fell in love with the idea of telling a story.

The incomparable Beth Revis calls this phenomenon the 'Book of My Heart' (and others, but she's who I heard it from first). For me, it's the book that made me call myself 'a writer' in public for the first time. It's the first book where I didn't type 'The End' when I finished writing it because I knew it was just the beginning.

It got three full requests. And a shit ton of rejections.    

I don't remember the day I decided to move on. I'm pretty sure it involved crying, gelatto and screw-top wine. Otherwise, I've fully suppressed the memory. But I do remember the steps I took to get to the place where I knew putting that manuscript away was the right thing to do. Still it's a hard decision to make, and one that--at least for me--was impossible to make on my own.

So how do you know when it's time to call it quits on a manuscript? And what does that even mean in today's writing environment? Here are some things to consider:

Get some space from your words.

Start writing something--anything--new. Read a good book. Do some critiquing for others in the online writing community. Attend a conference. Take some time away from the project you've bled over for the last few months or years. Nothing in publishing happens quickly, so there's absolutely no reason to make this decision in a rush.

Listen to your critique partners and beta readers.

We all know how important it is to have CPs and Betas you can trust. Hopefully, by the time you're pursuing publication with a manuscript you really love, you have others in your writing circle who love it, too. If you don't, that's something to consider, especially if your CPs know their ish. Consult the people you trust who know your book before deciding it's time to move on from it. Maybe it really needs a fearless revision. Maybe it's just not marketable at the moment. One thing's for sure, you're too close to your words to make this call without an objective second opinion. Especially if we're talking about a Book of the Heart.

Listen to the feedback you're getting from publishing professionals, even if it's form--but especially if it's not.

If agents are taking the time to give you personal feedback, it means they're paying attention. It may mean that while your manuscript isn't strong enough, it has the potential to be published if you're willing to bust your butt and tear it apart.  If you are only getting form rejections, it may be that your idea isn't strong enough, and the harsh reality is that form feedback is feedback.

Consider paying for a professional opinion.

There are a lot of good freelance editors out there whose insight is invaluable if you can afford it. Check out writer auctions for charity or ask around for a good referral. Even if they end up advising you that the manuscript may not be salvageable, you will learn things about your writing skills that you can take with you for your next project.

Remember that quitting on this book doesn't make you a quitter.

Just because this manuscript isn't going to be the bestseller you hoped it would doesn't mean you should give up writing. Every manuscript you write, revise, submit, or toil over makes you a better writer. Don't let the book of your heart, or any book, be the only thing you ever write.

There's always self-publishing.

Generally speaking I have a strong personal bias against self-publishing. I think it works great for a very small group of writers with strengths outside of writing itself. But I think a lot of people go the self-pub route for the wrong reasons. They're impatient or have the wrong attitude about the slushpile or just want to be able to call themselves an author without the industry validation to back it up. For other writers, however, self-publishing is a great opportunity. Especially if you've got a killer story with a niche market in mind. Or if you've already put a book through the agent wringer and believe you can sell it, even if the industry doesn't.

Nobody can make you delete your work.

It's been five years since I wrote the first draft of the Book of My Heart. I've learned a lot about writing, and about myself as a writer since then. But I still love those characters and I think they have a story to tell. It just might be a very different one now from the one I wrote originally.

As I was writing this post, I decided to go back and read the first chapter of the Book of My Heart. Two manuscripts later, the harsh reality is that while I love it and it means the world to me, the writing is just not that good. The story's not strong enough for today's competitive YA market. But the cool thing about that is? It's mine. Completely. And without it I wouldn't be an agented author preparing to go on submission with another manuscript that never would have existed without it. I bailed on my book, but I'm a better writer for it.

What were the signs for you that you needed to put a manuscript into the trunk? What did you learn about yourself as a writer through that process?

All the Feels: Time Management Part 2

Since November is NaNoWriMo and when I'm not working, Mom-ing, Wife-ing, or Sleeping, I'll be attempting to write 80,000 words in one month, I thought I'd share some of my All the Feels posts from YA Stands here on my blog for those who missed them the first time.

Today's post is the second of two in a series of time management. You can find the first post here. 

STEP THREE: Plan ahead to take your writing with you.

About fifty percent of the time, the writing I do get done doesn't happen at the house. It happens when my doctor is running late for our appointment (which he always is), or I have an unexpected stretch of time to kill because the traffic gods bless me and my hour long commute to work only takes forty minutes, or I actually have time to take a lunch break. Some of these times are planned, others aren't. Either way, I'm often not at home sitting in front of Barrett II (yes, my lappy has a name.) So I've found ways to take my writing with me.

If you've resisted entering the world of technology or you like to draft longhand, this step is super easy. Bring your notebook with you so you can write on the go.

Most of the time, I can't read my own handwriting. And focused time in front of my computer is increasingly hard to come by. To compensate, I'm doing more and more of my "writing" (note taking, brainstorming, scene sketching, character development) on-the-go. Here are some apps I use regularly that help (rather than hinder) my writing. Also, because I'm still an unpaid writer and I'm cheap...erm....frugal, all of the apps I use are free through the iPhone app store (and most are also available for Droid.)

·        Evernote--For note-jotting on the go or even drafting. It's also a great way to store research if you use multiple computers during your brainstorming phase. When I was working on my YA/UF for NaNoWriMo last year, I kept images of settings and characters in Evernote, so that if I was writing longhand or I wanted to reference the pictures without accessing the distraction of the interwebz, I could glance at my phone. It's also a helluva lot easier than scrambling for a flashlight, pen, and paper if an idea hits me in the middle of the night and I don't want to wake the ogre...erm sweet man on the other side of the bed.

·        Werdsmith--I used this during Camp NanoWriMo in April to do most of my writing, since I was traveling for Spring Break and busting my butt at work. You can use the app to set goals for yourself in terms of wordcount, etc and email yourself your stuff so you don't lose track of it

·        Workflowy--An outlining tool that can be a big help to plotters. Like Evernote you can use both an app and online version with a single log in to easily transfer your on-the-go work to your main machine at the end of the day. When I'm working on revisions I like to use this app to make my 'to-do' list of edits I'll need to accomplish. 

I'm sure there are more apps out there that I haven't explored yet. If you know some good ones, please throw them out in the comments below. (See this is where the whole community part of this whole blog thing comes into play.)

IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING, BUT LET ME PUT IT OUT THERE JUST IN CASE: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER, EVER PLAN TO DO YOUR WRITING WHILE YOU ARE DRIVING!!

We're clear on that, yes? Okay, good. Moving on.

STEP FOUR: Keep things simple. Have to have a simple plan of what you can realistically get done in the time that you have.

For example, you are not going to write an entire chapter of your new novel on your thirty minute lunch break at work. Well, you might, but it probably won't be very good. Also that leaves little time for, ya know, actually eating lunch.

But if thirty minutes is all you have, that's all you have. Stressing over that fact will not help you be creative.

STEP FIVE: Eliminate the distractions you can.

For me that means locking up our enormous, rambunctious black lab who has somehow conditioned herself to go bananas whenever I sit down at my computer to actually get things done. It also means turning off the internet and muting my phone. And beyond that understanding that there is rarely a crisis that's got to be handled during my writing time. My child has another parent, and if there's an emergency, even my muted phone will light up when people call multiple times.

Twitter is not a crisis. Even when the person tweeting you is @realjohngreen. Nor is that emailed question from your boss when you are writing after hours.

It also means knowing when writing is realistic. My daughter's highest energy level is first thing in the morning (how we ended up with a morning person for a child, I have no clue, but we did) and my husband needs to decompress when he gets home from work--which usually includes venting his spleen to his in-home therapist aka moi. Those are not going to be good times for me to try to get writing done.

            Step 5.b. you should not be reading this blog during your writing time.

STEP SIX: SPEND YOUR WRITING TIME WRITING

On writing fantasy island where my buddy with the pretty hair lives, it's possible to go through the ritual. You know, you light the candles, find the right music for the scene you want to write, steep your favorite cup of tea (which you've freshly plucked from the garden in your backyard that you have oodles of time to expertly maintain), go through a few meditative exercises to empty your mind, spend some time on Pinterest looking for the exact setting you are trying to recreate for your story, and prepare and bake a tray of delectable cinnamon rolls to get you through the next eight hours you will spend crafting your glorious words.

Bitch, please. In the thirty seconds it took me to heat up my cup of grocery store generic chai, my kid chewed through the cord on my laptop. Twice.

You have precious few minutes. Spend them writing.

Social media is a blessing and a curse. There will come a point in your writing career when you need to devote time to pimping yourself. But that should be separate from your writing time. You cannot successfully do both simultaneously with one brain. Social media is not writing.

STEP SEVEN: Set a goal and be accountable.

And here I'm not talking about word count goals. I participate in NaNoWriMo every year and I LOVE it. I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo again this July. But straight up? Word count goals are bullshit. You are not doing yourself any favors by judging the success of your writing by the number of words you are able to vomit onto a page. We do not live in the age of Dickens where we get paid by the word. Quality matters. Not quantity.

Going back to the beginning about being honest with yourself about your writing, be honest about what it is you need to accomplish. For me, a lot of the time that isn't a number of words so much as it is getting to a certain point in the plot I've outline for myself. Or getting through a grueling revision I'm not quite sure where to begin.

You've got to eat that elephant one bite a time. *shudder*. I hate that analogy. But it makes a good point.

Find a way to be accountable that works for you. Maybe you're good at to-do lists and something as rewarding as crossing off an item is all you need to make it happen. Maybe you've got a kick-ass CP that you can commit to getting pages to by a certain deadline. Or maybe you have a dog that really needs a walk and will lovingly grace your carpet with a special gift if you don't get your thirty minutes of solid writing done in thirty minutes, as opposed to an hour because you stopped to dick around on Twitter every ten minutes and lost track of time.

STEP EIGHT: Accept that into every writing routine, a little writer's block will fall.

Some days your writing will suck. Maybe you've got life happening and you can't get in the groove. Maybe your kid gets sick and you've got to reprioritize for a little while. Or maybe you just deserve a break.

And that's all okay. No, really, it is.

But part of Step Eight is also going back to Step One and getting honest with yourself. Don't make excuses not to write. If you're not going to write today, that's okay. But own it. Your dog isn't eating your writing career. You are.

SOME OTHER THINGS I DO THAT YOU MAY THINK ARE CRAZY:

1. We don't have cable. Or DVR. Seriously.

I have never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. I don't know who Honey Boo-Boo is. And really, I don't think I'm missing anything.

2. I survive on about four hours of sleep a night. Voluntarily.

My husband goes to bed at 10:30 like clockwork. I'm usually up until around 2. And we both get up between 6 and 7 for the kiddo and work. I could go to sleep when he does, but I don't. I like to read instead. It's relaxing and it's something I do for me. And when I don't take the time to do my reading, I am a cranky bitch. I'd rather be a little groggy and relaxed than well-rested and pissed at the world. I catch up a little bit by napping on the weekends when I don't have some kind of writing deadline, but there are weeks when I'm running on a grand total of 28 hours sleep. That said, I don't do any reading prior to that 10:30 time unless by the freezing of hell I have spare time to kill. And usually if such time does magically appear, I try to spend it writing instead. Like when I was at the vet with my cat for three hours on Friday.

3. I wholeheartedly embrace Pavlovian Conditioning.

You know that whole psychology experiment with the dog and the meat tenderizer and the bell and the saliva? Yeah, that ish works for writers, too. If there is something I really want to do--like buy a new album or go out for drinks with my girlfriends, I make myself meet a goal first. And if I don't meet it, I don't get my reward. And I'm a hardass about it because my writing is important to me.

4. We never have people over because our house is a crazy writer's lair.

I am not a neat freak and I never have been. Neither is my husband. We have to do a certain amount of maintenance for the sake of the kid and, ya know, not living like that dude in Silence of the Lambs, but otherwise, we live in Clutterville. We're both okay with that for now because I need to be writing when I could be dusting or seasonally organizing my closet and when he's home, he tries to take the midget off my hands so I can write. Thus, our house is gross, and we rarely have people over.

Like I said, these won't work for a lot of people, but I thought they were worth mentioning.

For those of you going "oh none of this will work, I'm just not wired that way"--around here we call them pantsers--I'll do a future post called Crisis Writing that may work better for you. In the meantime, give this a shot. One of my best friends and CPs is a hardcore pantser and a lot of this works for her anyway.

On July 8th, we're going to focus more on the feels aspect of the writerly journey. Specifically how you help your loved ones understand (and respect) writer weirdness. Then later next month, we'll come back to that AP Time Management stuff I mentioned up top. 

What techniques or tricks do you use to manage your writing time?

All the Feels Repost: Time Management (Part One)

Since November is NaNoWriMo and when I'm not working, Mom-ing, Wife-ing, or Sleeping, I'll be attempting to write 80,000 words in one month, I thought I'd share some of my All the Feels posts from YA Stands here on my blog for those who missed them the first time.

I recently had the following conversation at a writer's conference...

Attendee: So what do you do for work?

Me: Well, I'm a therapist for a public school system and I do private practice on the side. And I'm also a freelance editor. How about you?

Attendee: Yeah, I pretty much just write.

Me: Oh, so you're a housewife or...?

Attendee: No...well, I have a cat. But no kids at home. No husband. I just write. Mostly for fun. I'm not pursuing publishing or anything yet. I had some cash to throw around so I thought a conference with other writers might be fun.

Me: ...

Okay, but I really, REALLY wanted to.

To get over my urge to smack the pretty out of her (have I mentioned that her hair was stunning on top of everything else?) I reminded myself that this chick is not the norm. Although if anyone knows where this mythical island is where people can just write and not have to work for a living, please do let me know. I can have my bags packed in under an hour.

I'm working on a revision for my agent, I have three other WIPs on the back and side burners, I blog for myself and for YA Stands, and I freelance edit on the side. And I'm a Mom. And I have a job. Well, right now I don't because my job is awesome in that I get summers off. So now I'm home by myself with a one-year-old all day, which is...yeah...not any less time consuming.

I sometimes forget to breathe.

Most people make time to write between work, family, attempting to have a social life and various obligations that come with, well, being a responsible, upstanding member of society. Writing when you're a parent is a whole 'nother ball game that we will call Advanced Placement Time Management for Writers, and we'll tackle that in a later post. For now, we're going to focus on the basics of managing your time in a way that will work for your writing career.

STEP ONE: Get honest with yourself about how you spend your time.

Since the invention of Myspace I have been a social media whore. In college I would literally spend HOURS looking at the plethora of little GIF badges available to add to my page until it was littered with hundreds of handpick squares of cleverness. And I was baffled by my habit of writing papers the night before they were due at three o'clock in the morning. "I don't have time to study!" I would complain.

Well, I did have time. But LOOK! GIFs!!!

Okay so some things still haven't changed.

But at least I'm honest about it now. And I have self-discipline techniques to manage my addictions like Nanny for Google Chrome and Rescue Time (both of which are free, btw.) By getting real with myself about how I spend my time, I can spend my time more wisely. And that means more time for writing.

I'm also honest with myself about my priorities. Writing for me isn't some dreamland touchy-feely-hippie-dippy world where I am a WRITER!!!!!!! and people grovel at my feet and respect my time behind a closed door to do my writing while the rest of the world waits with baited breath for my words. If I want to be a published, well-respected author, I'm going to bust my patootie to make it happen. No one else is going to make it happen for me. And that means less GIFs and more broken fingernails. I have to make my writing a priority for me if I expect other people to respect my right to spend my time doing it.

STEP TWO: Know your limits and strengths

I legitimately have adult ADD. If you follow me on Twitter or know me IRL, I am sure this is a total shock to you. I embrace this as a part of who I am, and I've found ways to turn it into a strength. Or at least to work around it.

For me, that means knowing I cannot write for more than an hour at a time. I need brain breaks. I need to compulsively check my phone or move around. If I try to force myself to focus for any longer than that, my writing is crap. So I've stopped trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. As much, theoretically speaking, as I'd love to have an eight hour writing work day, I'd probably only spend about three hours of that day doing quality writing. So that's what I try to do on days when I'm planning to write.

For some people, knowing your limits means knowing you write ugly, morbid, dark ish and doing that is taxing on the soul, so you can't write darkness every day. You can write it every other day. So that's how you build your writing time. Maybe you want to really feel like writing is a job so you build yourself a weekend away from your words (even if it's not on Saturday and Sunday.) Everyone has limits, and if you ignore yours, you will burn yourself out in no time.

Related to this is knowing your writing strengths--times of day, days of the week, settings where you are more productive. My creative brain wakes up at around 9pm. So any time I spend before 9pm writing, I spend on things like plotting, revising, etc. because that's not when I'm at my creative best, but my analytical brain does pretty well any time after 10am.

In my next repost I'll get more specific and concrete on techniques and tech you can use to help manage your writing time. In the meantime, what are some tricks YOU use to stay focused?

All the Feels: A Re-post Series during NaNoWriMo

Since November is NaNoWriMo and when I'm not working, Mom-ing, Wife-ing, or Sleeping, I'll be attempting to write 80,000 words in one month, I thought I'd share some of my All the Feels posts from YA Stands here on my blog in case you missed them the first time.

All the Feels is a new bi-weekly feature here at YA Stands where we'll explore the ups and downs of writing life and how to make it easier. I'll be leading a discussion on both internal (feels) and external (facts) tricks we can use to make the journey to publication a little less painful. Because writing is hard, y'all. 

I've been a therapist for thirteen years, everything from counseling terminally ill kids to helping parents ensure their disabled students' rights are being upheld in schools and families through the grief of losing their children to drugs. None of that prepared me for the tumultuous journey of getting a literary agent. I'm also the mother of a one-year-old, a full-time-working mom and wife with two side gigs, and the occasional glimmer of a social life. I multitask like a boss. And over the years I've found some pretty great resources to make all of that a smidge easier.  

I don't have all the answers, but I have some, and I'm hoping through comments and dialogue we can spend some time figuring things out as a team. Because that's the awesome part of the writing community (well one of them, anyway). We're in this together.

Since I became a mom last year, the hardest thing for me has been finding time to write. Next time we'll talk about multitasking and some handy apps for taking your writing with you or if you find yourself in a rocking chair with only your cell phone to keep you occupied until Princess finishes her nap (because your boobs are the only place she'll sleep). 

All the Feels on YA Stands

Last month a lot of ish went down, so I neglected to announce here that I've joined the blogging team at YA Stands as a featured contributor. Every other Monday I'll be blogging about the writing life and things we can all do to make it easier on ourselves.

You can view my introductory post here.

Today's post is an intro to Time Management, which for me begins with a fearless inventory of what you're doing right and wrong in terms of making time for your writing.

There are a lot of great posts for writers and readers over on YA Stands, so I hope you'll join us there and during our bi-weekly Twitter chats where we talk about all things YA.

And if you've got suggested topics for YA Stands, hit me up with them here. I'd love to hear from ya!

Heeding the Bat Signal: The (seriously) Epic Tale of How I Got My Superhero Agent

Warning, this blog post will contain overuse of GIFs, flagrant capitalization, and excessive exclamation points because

HOLY CROW, PEOPLE, I HAVE AN AGENT!!!

And so you don't skip down to the bottom of the post, I will announce right here and now that I am being represented by...

Batman.

You didn't REALLY think it was gonna be that easy, did you?

Here's the story of how it happened. Complete with Disney GIFs!

But, D, what does Batman have to do with Disney?

Nothing. It turns out it's really hard to find funny yet appropriate Batman GIFs online. Who knew? Interwebz, you should be working on this. In the meantime, PRINCESSES!

A long, long time ago, in a land far, far away (Orlando), I wrote a very different, very ugly version of what would eventually become a rough draft of Imperfectly Fine. I tossed it to three of my most loyal beta readers, whose response was something like this...

So I decided, "Hmmm...Maybe I'll get back to that, ya know, eventually."

Eventually happened in Spring 2012 when I was six months pregnant. My doctor pulled me out of my completely insane day job and, knowing I was not the kind of person who could grasp the concept of "taking it easy," put me on bed rest.

And I was like, "wait...you mean I have to sit or lay down, like...all day?"

To which she basically replied, "yes, you dumbass, that's what bed rest means."

She conceded that I could sit on the couch. For three months.

Within a few days, I got busy making Imperfectly Fine into Imperfectly Fine. But in May (that's two months early for those keeping track), this happened...

Completely and totally impatient and working on her own timeline. Yeah, she's mine.

Stitch would be spending at least a month in the hospital getting closer to gestational age zero. So now I was a mom, but I didn't have a baby at home. Also, as you can maybe imagine, C-SECTIONS EFFING HURT. There was a lot of sitting around in my near future and a lot of feeling less than up to par.

I started editing. On hydrocodone. (Have I mentioned I'm a substance abuse counselor?)

In August, Authoress, the goddess behind Miss Snark's FirstVictim, announced that she'd be co-hosting a Teen Eyes Pitch Contest with KristaVan Dolzer and Brenda Drake (all of whom you should be following rabidly, btw). 

I thought my manuscript was in pretty good shape. 

Okay, I was wrong. But that's what I thought. So I entered the contest to win a partial manuscript critique. I was totally shocked when editorial and agenting intern Brent Taylor picked me out of the slush and made me his winner!

For those looking for a take home message in this post, it might be worth noting that the pitch I used for the Teen Eyes contest is nearly the same pitch I used in my query and all along the path that led to me having an agent. My concept has never been the problem.

No, the problem was me. But we'll get to that.

In the meantime, I may have let Teen Eyes get to my head a little.

But the fact that I had something was further confirmed at SCBWI Carolinas where I had the privilege of having my first ten pages critiqued by the incredibly talented Megan Miranda.  I also participated in a blind first page cold reading and got some incredibly helpful feedback from Divergent editor Molly O'Neill and I volunteered to have my "so-what" factor ripped apart by awesome agent Jen Rofé. Short story long, I had a lot of really, really good eyes on my words in one weekend. 

My maternity leave was almost up and going back to work was inevitable. I buckled down, using the feedback I'd gotten from SCBWI, Brent, WriteOnCon, and Scribophile with the goal of having Imperfectly Fine ready to query by November 1, 2012. I was nearing what I thought would be the end of my pre-agent editing...

and though I had a couple good CPs and a WONDERFUL pack of beta readers, I wanted a few more eyes  before I started querying.

One of the resources I picked up while doing WriteOnCon was the YAStands blog, for which I'm excited to be a contributing blogger now. They did a post about upcoming contests which mentioned that Brenda, Deana Romito, and some chick named Kimberly Chase were hosing an upcoming contest called Trick or Treat with Agents.

Since the last contest had gone so well, I decided to enter. This time there would be actual agents involved, requesting manuscripts. Since it was a Halloween contest, they'd be "disguised" by costumes.

Three things you should know about me: (1) I am extremely superstitious in random, nontraditional ways (2) Halloween is my favorite holiday (3) I have had a life-long affinity for all things Batman.  

When Kim picked IMPERFECTLY FINE as one of the top ten YA entries I was beyond excited. I maybe almost peed a little. Then? This happened...

Which meant that the mystery agent costumed as Batman wanted to see my partial. *And* it just so happened that Batman was on my "to-query" list. Well, not Batman, but you KWIM. My reaction was something like this...

Still I had committed to beginning my querying process by November 1^st, so that's what I did. In my first batch, I sent out ten queries. From that I got three requests. But despite this positive start, these requests ultimately ended in rejections. The good thing was that they were detailed, helpful rejections. My plot was still a problem. My hook was there, but needed to be stronger. And Noah? Oh poor Noah. My love interest was hurting me more than he was helping. More on that later...

On to Pitch Wars and MSFV's Secret Agent contest, neither of which I won, but both of which led to some more really helpful feedback for me. They also further introduced me to Kim and to Marieke Nijkamp, both of whom offered to beta my manuscript even though they didn't pick me as their mentee. I could not have survived what follows without these two amazing writers.

I edited some more. I queried some more. I got a couple more requests and got my ass handed to me, which I rightly deserved. One agent, we'll call her Agent M, was an agent I'd queried because I heard she gave thoughtful feedback even when sending a query rejection. When she requested my full, it made my year. I squeed a little more quietly than I would have in October, because I was starting to figure this whole process out finally, but I still squeed. Agent M was my pipedream agent, someone I thought was perfect for my book, but in no way expected her to give me the time of day.

A few days later, Agent M sent me an invitation to R&R. I started to revise yet again.

Two days before New Year's Eve, while I was in the midst of Agent M's revision, Batman requested my full.

Oh...um...I should probably mention at some point that Batman is, in fact, a woman. Anyway...

I was editing! But there was my bat signal! That had to mean something, right?

So what did I do? Did I write Batman and say, "hey, I'm doing some editing, can you gimme a few?" Hell no. Because Dannie is not a patient person. I sent off my half-edited manuscript and crossed my fingers. 

Do not do this. Seriously.

Once I realized what a colossal mistake that was, I hurriedly finished my R&R. and sent it off to Agent M and another agent who was waiting on my full, and for the hell of it asked if Batman might consider taking a look at the revision instead.She urged me to send it on straight away.

Why? Honestly, you'll have to ask her. Cuz I totally deserved for her to drop me like a Hot Pocket. Especially because I was going to get even flakier.

Get it? Hot Pocket? Flakier? 

...

...

February is when things finally started to come together. And by come together I mean that all hell broke loose.

I got another rejection from Agent M with another opportunity to R&R (because apparently she is a glutton for punishment? Or really nice? Probably both.) I'd stopped querying at that point because I was burned out on the manuscript, and was knee deep in drug binging kids with my day job to the point where I couldn't deal with the drug binging kids in my manuscript. So while I was excited about the third chance with my dream agent, and I was still hopeful I'd hear good things from Batman soon, the R&R was a little bittersweet. 

So what did I do? I did what every perfectly rationally thinking burned out writer does when she's backed herself into a clusterfuck.

I made my love interest gay. 

Yeah.

I am, in each and every aspect of my life, a plotter. And I was pantsing my ass off. Which should have been my first (no probably third) clue that I was screwing this up big time.

Just as I began to realize my fuckedupedness,  Batman wrote me an email with some very specific feedback, offering me an "Exclusive Revision."

So I wrote her back in as professional a way as I could manage basically saying, "Do what now?"

It's actually just what it sounds like. I'd rescind my manuscript from the agents who currently had it, and work exclusively with Batman to revise it, and then after that, if we were both happy with the way the revision went, she would offer representation. Which, really, is a cool opportunity--You get a feel for how you work together, a true sense of whether your vision for the manuscript is the same. All before you have to commit to someone you should really feel good about before you put your book's life in her hands.

Still, it scared the hell outta me. It felt like a proverbial all-eggs-one-basket sort of thing. I decided to contact the other agents considering partials and fulls (I was standing at 7 at the time) and see how that went. Keep in mind, at this point half of the agents had manuscripts with Noah straight and the other half gay. The next week went a little bit like this...

And in that time I learned three crucially important take-home lessons: First and foremost NO ONE IS HURRYING IN PUBLISHING SO YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER. When you do, you make stupid, desperate decisions that are absolutely no good for your writing. Two, the feedback you get from agents on fulls and partials will vary. A lot. This is a good thing because it lets you know if you and an agent are on the same page. Also, you cannot possibly adhere to all of it and have a manuscript that makes sense.

Three: Don't ever, ever make your love interest gay on impulse. Like, ever.

As my deadline approached, I spoke to three agents on the phone: Agent M, Agent B--who had been considering my full--and Batman.

Agent B had the strongest reaction to my decision to make Noah gay. In fact, her reaction was so strong that when I told her I kinda hated the decision myself, she offered me representation.

Yeah, you read that right. Two days before I owed Batman a decision on her exclusive revision, I got an offer of representation from somebody else. 

Which was great. Beyond great. And I felt a connection with Agent B when I talked to her on the phone. It was a dream come true...

Except, it didn't feel like a dream come true. It felt like screeching brakes and a migraine.

I spend a lot of time in my day job talking to kids about that little voice. You know, the one that tells you something isn't right?

I really, really wanted to ignore it.

I talked to Agent M next. I'd informed her of the offer from Agent B and laid all my cards on the table--my confusion, my frustration with my own wish-washiness with Noah, and how I felt about losing the opportunity to have her as an agent (she was my dream agent after all.) Agent M was not calling me to make me an offer. She was calling to help me figure out what my next step was, which, by the way, she had absolutely no obligation to do. It was such a good call, though. I heard nothing but good about Agent M going into the querying process, and every single thing people said about her was absolutely true.

My manuscript was in shambles. My judgment was clearly lacking as far as my L.I. was concerned. I was the actual personification of the Hero Lost in my own story. This was not how I wanted to feel when I signed with an agent.

In my moment of despair, Batman emailed to say she was still very interested in my manuscript despite my offer and that she wanted to chat. My heart fluttered. My pulse raced. Batman was going to counter-offer. I just knew it!

Actually, Batman was calling to say that my manuscript was in shambles and I needed to really consider if that was how I wanted to feel when I signed with an agent.

I ended that phone call baffled and irked. Which makes absolutely no sense. Why? Because it was exactly what I had been thinking before I took Batman's call! Which is why I did the only thing I could possibly do that was crazier than making my love interest gay.

I rejected the only offer of representation I had on the table. And I rejected the offer of exclusive revision. 

I wrote Batman, Agent M, and Agent B and told them that I had decided to revise independently. What I really meant was "I'm at the ledge and I want to gleefully fling my computer over it, so I need some time." They all offered to look at the manuscript again once I revised. So that's what I set out to do.

Sort of...

You know that "all hope is lost" moment in every great story right before the hero goes from hero acted upon to hero in action? That's where I was. It sucked rocks. 

I was exhausted. I was confused. I had royally screwed up my manuscript. And on top of that, my non-writing life was nuts. My preemie was sick on and off to the point we had to pull her out of day care. My job was off the chain. And my husband and I both got struck by what will go down in history as the worst, most life-altering case of stomach flu in unrecorded history. 

I took a full break from writing. Not just writing but all things writing related. Everything. Part of that was forced upon me by the worst, most life-altering case of stomach flu in unrecorded history. Part of it was that my brain was in worse shape than my body.

When I finally straightened my shit out (and Noah's) I revised thoroughly. I beta'ed and CPed the hell out of it. Then I sent my book baby off into the agenting world one more time.  When Batman responded, it took me nearly a day to open the email. I was seriously having trauma flashbacks to February. This time, though, Batman was writing to offer me representation. The tone of her email was passionate enthusiastic. Everything you want an offer of representation to be. Which, combined with the trauma flashbacks made me ugly cry.

Cuz, ya know, I had to send out a whole bunch of emails. I had 20 queries or submissions unaccounted for.  I had to follow up with all of them and tell them I needed an answer in seven business days.

I sent my emails. And then Batman and I had *the call*. And it was everything THE CALL should be.

And because hindsight is 20/20 and whatnot, looking back I can see that Batman was the agent for me all along. She saw through my crazypants moments and was patient when I couldn't be. She kept in touch with me while she was reading to let me know how much she liked my book. She's as excited about my manuscript as I am, even with all its imperfections. We're totally on the same page on the edits I still need to make. She fought to represent me.

And she's friggin' Batman, for crying out loud.

But now, I can officially and formally say that I am beyond ecstatic to be represented by Thao Le of the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency. And I feel like this:

Which is exactly how it should be.

There are a ton of people I need to thank for getting me this far, only a handful of whom got a shoutout in this post. That's what a fourteen month trek toward finding an agent will do for you. So I'll save that for another entry. Or better yet, for my Acknowledgments. Cuz Thao and I are gonna do our thing here in a bit and get Skylar, Cole and Noah a book deal.

Final Stats:

Queries Sent: 63

Partials requested: 7

Fulls requested: 19

Contests Entered (with agents): 4

Contest requests: 7

Offers of representation: 2

Timeline with Thao:

11/2/12 Partial Request

12/28/12 Full Request

2/11/13 Offer of Exclusive Revision

4/20/13 Revision Submitted

5/21/13 Offer of Representation