Balancing

I'm not very good at balancing. I never had been. When I fall in love I fixate on my love for that person at the expense of everything else. When an 80s pop icon comes back into my life, I change my world to experience that lost part of my soul again.

When I transition from writer to author, I forget the passion I used to feel for helping people confront their problems.

This lack of ability to balance seems rather adolescent at times. And yet, I'm not terribly motivated to change it. I wonder why. I wonder how much the decision will cost me. I wonder if I'll think it's worth it.

One of my favorite poems on the matter:


Balances-Nikki Giovanni

in life
one is always
balancing

like we juggle our mothers
against our fathers

or one teacher
against another
(only to balance our grade average)

3 grains of salt
to one ounce truth

our sweet black essence
or the funky honkies down the street

and lately i've begun wondering
if you're trying to tell me something

we used to talk all night
and do things alone together

and i've begun

(as a reaction to a feeling)
to balance
the pleasure of loneliness
against the pain
of loving you