tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post3551963651703685032..comments2024-02-24T03:53:59.980-05:00Comments on Left to Write: #BaitAndPitch Workshop--Twitter PitchesDannie Morinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13615179669635228979noreply@blogger.comBlogger212125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-23401307124681695462014-09-07T23:38:31.390-04:002014-09-07T23:38:31.390-04:00Thanks for the suggestions guys! Will plug away at...Thanks for the suggestions guys! Will plug away at it till the magic combo of voice/tone/stakes is revealed :-)Rhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-68883013494018214632014-09-07T23:34:37.297-04:002014-09-07T23:34:37.297-04:00And oops to me too for re-posting because I couldn...And oops to me too for re-posting because I couldn't see myself there! Damn these servers :-) Rhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-74378404559934804112014-09-07T23:31:55.677-04:002014-09-07T23:31:55.677-04:00Elements from both 1 and 3 are good. The terms I l...Elements from both 1 and 3 are good. The terms I like are 'chess prodigy'; 'loose dragon'; 'illegal pawn shop for monsters.' If you can find a way to incorporate all these within your pitch it will definitely be intriguing. All the best!Rhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-23224037409613310082014-09-07T17:06:01.790-04:002014-09-07T17:06:01.790-04:00Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, lad...Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, ladies. Dannie, I'd switch to "kid bro spills" in a heartbeat, since it's cleaner, but I'm wondering if that will muddy up the line of causation (been waiting to use that phrase forever). <br /><br />Maybe someone unfamiliar with the story reads it and is, "Ok, spilled root beer...dragon resurrection...total non sequitur." But I MAY be over-thinking this.AJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16135729997685992811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-49996875976760778322014-09-07T11:25:45.909-04:002014-09-07T11:25:45.909-04:00I liked the first pitch more, though I haven't...I liked the first pitch more, though I haven't quite figured out why. I think it was the mention of the "gothic estate," since it gives us a good feel of atmosphere/genre. On the other hand, I tripped a bit over "ruling" and Pitch #2's "Teen ruler," since I associate ruling only with royalty, rather than nobility.<br /><br />Unless you mean a gothic castle :)Silviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-26225960617798603122014-09-07T11:22:49.848-04:002014-09-07T11:22:49.848-04:00Melissa, you know you're awesome. So I'll ...Melissa, you know you're awesome. So I'll save my breath from telling you you're awesome.Silviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-34568455959070387512014-09-06T20:57:41.832-04:002014-09-06T20:57:41.832-04:00Agree with Dannie! I do really like the concept th...Agree with Dannie! I do really like the concept though. Maybe something like "Maxine freaks out when her school transforms into a video game, but after someone vanishes, it's up to her to...xyz."ACS14https://www.blogger.com/profile/16870927286990699116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-89098594249953309092014-09-06T20:54:58.041-04:002014-09-06T20:54:58.041-04:00Name: Alex
Category/Genre: YA Fantasy
Title: INT...Name: Alex<br /><br />Category/Genre: YA Fantasy<br /><br />Title: INTO BLACKWOOD<br /><br />PITCH #1: 17yo Lacey inherits gothic estate, court politics w/ deadly rivals, & string of murders to contend w/. No one said ruling was easy #Baitpitch<br /><br />PITCH #2: Teen ruler? Yep. Rivals coming to usurp her? Check. String of murders targeting her & her rivals? Just a day in Lacey's life. #Baitpitch<br /><br />ACS14https://www.blogger.com/profile/16870927286990699116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-14134300466370855352014-09-06T20:50:30.629-04:002014-09-06T20:50:30.629-04:00Ooh I like the sound of this! Agree with Anne abov...Ooh I like the sound of this! Agree with Anne above, but they're both great.ACS14https://www.blogger.com/profile/16870927286990699116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-33407588879606970692014-09-06T20:46:57.444-04:002014-09-06T20:46:57.444-04:00Pitch #1 is my favorite, but I like 3 as well. Ech...Pitch #1 is my favorite, but I like 3 as well. Echoing Shari, I think both would work well for Pitmad!ACS14https://www.blogger.com/profile/16870927286990699116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-39580316014245603802014-09-06T17:43:11.261-04:002014-09-06T17:43:11.261-04:00You do a great job encapsulating the inciting inci...You do a great job encapsulating the inciting incident, core conflict, and stakes in all of these. <br /><br />I love the chess prodigy detail — it gives us a glimpse of character — so I'd keep that if you can. I think you can lose "kinda" — it undercuts the stakes. The illegal pawnshop for monsters sounds really cool, but I don't get a sense of how it fits into the story — did she unleash the dragon FROM the pawnshop?<br /><br />I'm not clear on how S Korea being anti-magic affects the conflict/stakes — if it means she'll be in deep trouble if she can't keep the dragon quiet, for instance, then that's worth clarifying if you can fit it in somehow (because more stakes = good).<br /><br />I like Sarah's suggestion above (gets in chess prodigy & human disguise).<br /><br />You can probably just do F instead of Fantasy to get more characters.<br /><br />Flow-wise, I like a combo of 1 & 2... something like "When 15yo chess prodigy Misha releases a dragon, she must hunt his human form through modern-day S Korea before he kills again #PitMad #YA F"<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09971151438222064503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-69662625672461607682014-09-06T15:50:13.251-04:002014-09-06T15:50:13.251-04:00I like those both a ton better!
In the first one ...I like those both a ton better!<br /><br />In the first one you could say "doesn't" instead of does not - sounds better and saves space.<br />2nd needs a little work... #PitMad #YA Murder, conspiracy, ruthless assassins—not your typical love story, but Aisha & Neil's rocky road to a happily ever after.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18304987001735754561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-54208526077647321532014-09-06T10:21:22.382-04:002014-09-06T10:21:22.382-04:00I like #2 more because the first sentence is a lot...I like #2 more because the first sentence is a lot snappier, though the second falls a little flat. Do you think you could hint at why Aisha and Neil are being targeted?Silviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-89943083983498876702014-09-06T10:17:24.362-04:002014-09-06T10:17:24.362-04:00Oops, didn't see you there, Rhea. Thanks for l...Oops, didn't see you there, Rhea. Thanks for listing the strong points! I'll twiddle around a bit to see if I can pull off a pitch with all three.Silviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-66408035759777162682014-09-06T10:06:04.561-04:002014-09-06T10:06:04.561-04:00Thanks, Sarah, Shari, and Dannie! It's a pleas...Thanks, Sarah, Shari, and Dannie! It's a pleasant surprise to know #3 works. I ended up tweaking #1 and #2 a little.<br /><br />PITCH #1: When a 15yo chess prodigy releases a dragon, she must unmask his human disguise before he kills again in South Korea #PitMad #YA Fantasy<br /><br />PITCH #2: In anti-magic South Korea, a 15yo chess prodigy must hunt the dragon she kinda released before he gets hungry #PitMad #YA FantasySilviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-49916584440022805342014-09-06T05:23:07.491-04:002014-09-06T05:23:07.491-04:00I like it more now...much clearer!I like it more now...much clearer!Rhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-10846539626274221102014-09-06T05:21:23.785-04:002014-09-06T05:21:23.785-04:00I like elements of 1 and 3. The strongest bits for...I like elements of 1 and 3. The strongest bits for me are 'chess prodigy'; 'loose dragon' and 'illegal pawnshop for monsters'. If you could find a way to incorporate all those, it would make a strong pitch. All the best!Rhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-89192486442019878032014-09-06T05:18:20.669-04:002014-09-06T05:18:20.669-04:00Here are a couple of revised versions. I know its ...Here are a couple of revised versions. I know its common but have tried to do a list too. Would love to know which version works better.<br /><br />Pitch 1 - Long distance relationships are hard.Being hunted by ruthless assassins does not help. Aisha and Neil’s rocky road to happiness #pitmad #A<br /><br />Pitch 2 - Murder, conspiracy, ruthless assassins - not your typical love story. Aisha and Neil’s rocky road to happiness #pitmad #ARhea Roy Gangulyhttp://rhearoyganguly.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-82092129663892471892014-09-05T20:01:33.190-04:002014-09-05T20:01:33.190-04:00Modified them a bit to better explain who Renee is...Modified them a bit to better explain who Renee is and take advantage of the two extra letters. And I tried to combine the two in a third pitch.<br /><br />Pitch #1: #PitMad LGBT YA Kat, the angry girl in combat boots does anything to ignore Mom’s death until her gf makes her confront her painful memories<br /><br />Pitch #2: #PitMad LGBT YA Kat will do anything to not think about Mom’s death until her first girlfriend makes her confront all her painful memories.<br /><br />Pitch #3: #PitMad LGBT YA Kat, the angry girl will do anything to not think about Mom’s death until her gf makes her confront all her painful memoriesShawn Ingramhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11461474934957798449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-27354374658037405972014-09-05T18:33:32.650-04:002014-09-05T18:33:32.650-04:00See, I actually like the list. The 3rd one was my ...See, I actually like the list. The 3rd one was my favorite. The dragon disguised as a human in the first one took me a minute to understand. In the 2nd one I'd consider replacing "through" with "in". I feel like it flows better and makes a little more sense to an unfamiliar reader that way. Dannie Morinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615179669635228979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-53437342438699159192014-09-05T18:30:20.414-04:002014-09-05T18:30:20.414-04:00I did notice the double dragon, but I'm not su...I did notice the double dragon, but I'm not sure how to get around it. And I think if you tried to reword another way it wouldn't be as clear what your MC must do. So I'd keep it.<br /><br />The only suggestion I might have is a small rephrase: When his kid bro spills root beer & resurrects a killer dragon (I think it's the same number of characters?) Conley must master dragon warfare before Kansas City burns. <br /><br />This actually gives you about 8 additional characters to play with if you do decide to rephrase 1 of the dragons Dannie Morinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13615179669635228979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-56884051571456355312014-09-05T17:25:57.748-04:002014-09-05T17:25:57.748-04:00I agree with Camille. I didn't notice it till ...I agree with Camille. I didn't notice it till you pointed it out, and the root beer really adds something. Dannie's totally right about that. :)Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-85810266619144195422014-09-05T17:21:38.309-04:002014-09-05T17:21:38.309-04:00Definitely #1 and I wouldn't change a single w...Definitely #1 and I wouldn't change a single word. It's a killer pitch!Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-37594641862395973362014-09-05T17:19:36.793-04:002014-09-05T17:19:36.793-04:00Susan's suggestion is PERFECTION if you ask me...Susan's suggestion is PERFECTION if you ask me. LOVE IT.Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356733121060620183.post-5154535068372093062014-09-05T16:55:58.001-04:002014-09-05T16:55:58.001-04:00I like the sound of Kat! I agree that you shouldn&...I like the sound of Kat! I agree that you shouldn't name more than two people. I wasn't sure if Renee was her mom or a whole separate person at first. Maybe say, 'her mom's death' or something....or just allude to it as a tragedy if you could tell us more about Renee. Good luck!Shari Schwarzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03638002520541246382noreply@blogger.com